Perennially vogue indie group Interpol announced plans to finally remove their sunglasses after 28 years.| The Hard Times
Local Hüsker Dü fan Paul Mallard quietly celebrated the 10-year anniversary of never saying their band name aloud to avoid potential ridicule.| The Hard Times
Exasperated coworkers of punk Jimmy Alpin threatened to quit after watching his work ethic repeatedly be eclipsed by his drinking ethic.| The Hard Times
A groundbreaking new study from Columbia University seemingly proves that the sound of music abruptly ending with a record scratch upon entering an establishment is still the best indicator that a person has walked into the wrong bar.| The Hard Times
Boy, we sure are having a great time at this deathcore concert, aren’t we? These drop A tunings and inhaled death growls are really pumping me up, and I’m seriously considering heeding this ear-gauged singer’s urgings to take part in the mosh pit. I just ask that, while we all work to “open up this fucking pit,” so too will we promise to open our minds to new learning experiences. I’d say it’s about time we explore our options!| The Hard Times
Presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris attempted to boost her perception as a “cool aunt” by announcing that if elected she will let junior staff members drink beers in the basement of the White House.| The Hard Times
Researchers at Harvard University determined that 100% of Millennials suffer from PTSD linked to exposure to the website rotten.com.| The Hard Times
After years of circling the dating drain pool, I was almost ready to give up and accept my fate as an angry solitary woman who said things like, “Knock it off,” and “Your dog can't be off leash here,” but as fate would have it, I received a notification from a long-forgotten dating app. An eligible bachelor with the username broken_farts_club thought I was hot and wanted to take me to a craft brewery. “Why not?” I thought. “What’s the worst that could happen?”| The Hard Times