These are trying times for Millennial soccer fans. Signs of the passage of time and the effects of aging are everywhere you look. Our old idols of physical prowess, chiseled beauty, and rakish charm are now middle-aged men whose rounded faces and time-ravaged (or Turkensteined) hairlines are plastered onto our TV screens during interminable pre- and mid- and postgame pundit segments, where they spout the most tired "yer da" drivel about why the players these days just don't do it as well as t...
