Last month I posted about our power and ability to say both yes and no to others. This morning I’m thinking about another level of yes and no; that is the yes and no we say to life. At this level, the term ‘consent’ is useful. Consent means to “give permission for something to happen,” Exploring an attitude of consent| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring the importance of contribution in emotional intelligence| Harvesting Stones
This week I’ve spent hours working on finalizing a query letter for publishers and literary agents, as well as shaping a 1-2-page synopsis of my first manuscript. I approached this task in my usual methodical way. I researched writing queries and synopses. As so often happens, I found lots of advice, much of it conflicting. The tension around putting our creative efforts into the world; why are we living the life we're living?| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentSometimes we got nothin'--and then it turns into somethin'| Harvesting Stones
I haven't very often met a problem in life I couldn't solve. I have moments of bewilderment, of course, but I generally am able to figure out what's not working and how to fix it. At times the fix is so difficult I delay, avoid, deny and procrastinate until I'm forced to take the action Allowing questions to remain unanswered and problems to remain unsolved; the value in no immediate fix| Harvesting Stones
A reader commented on my last post, asking me what I thought about obedience. What a great question! According to Online Oxford Dictionary, obedience is “compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority.” Before we continue, let me make clear this is not a religious discussion. I know obedience is an Exploring obedience; is it a good thing we should all practice| Harvesting Stones
I've been thinking about loyalty recently. Loyalty is one of my bigger rabbit holes. I most often use the term when I'm beating myself up. A nasty little internal voice frequently hisses "Disloyal!" in my ear. This happens so constantly, in fact, that I'm bored. I've decided to unpack the concept of loyalty, spread it What does loyalty really mean? How does it look?| Harvesting Stones
Last week’s post was inspired by the work of R.D. Laing in his book, Knots. The first page of this book gave me so much to think about I worked with it for several days before reading all the way to page 3: “It is our duty to bring up our children to love, honour Recognizing bad logic and discussing duty in the context of parent/child relationships| Harvesting Stones
Oxford Online Dictionary lists several meanings for integrity: “The quality of being honest …, the state of being whole and undivided, the condition of being unified …, internal consistency.” Integrity is an important piece of emotional intelligence. Like success, integrity is a quality we define for ourselves. If we don’t do so, the world is Exploring integrity: what does it mean, and what's included in it? How do we develop our own standards of integrity?| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentSchool violence and school reunions; memories of high school| Harvesting Stones
This summer is about resource. I've never picked a one-word summer intention before, but today I realize it's been thrust upon me, willy-nilly. The Summer of Resource. I've been working with the idea of minimalism, which forces one to take stock of resource in the wide sense. What is resource? Oxford online dictionary defines resource Defining resource beyond money; exploring how we can best manage resource| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentFreedom, responsibility, choices, and consequences. We are not free from the effects of our choices, and no one has unlimited choice.| Harvesting Stones
All right. I’m thoroughly exasperated by this “I refuse to live in fear” bullshit. Here’s an open letter to all those wannabe heroes out there. Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” (Oxford Online Dictionary) The ability to Fear is an evolutionary advantage and helps keep us alive| Harvesting Stones
I’ve struggled all my life with confusion about the difference between enabling and love. Most of us think of enabling in the context of addiction, and we’re familiar with the idea that helping an addict avoid the consequences of their addiction is not, in the long run, useful. It’s a pretty clear idea in theory. Enabling: what it is, why we do it, and why it doesn't work| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentThe practice of descansos, making resting places for pieces of our lives and selves that no longer serve| Harvesting Stones
This week’s post is suspended between two stories. The first one is the old Greek myth of Sisyphus. Sisyphus was a crafty and deceitful king who craved complete power. In his pursuit of power, he offended many men and gods and was eventually punished by being sent to the underworld and forced to roll a The problems with trying too hard| Harvesting Stones
I’ve known for a long time I don’t manage my empathy very satisfactorily. Several years ago, I found a couple of books by Rose Rosetree (here’s my first wince, because my own last name is Rose; too many roses!), Empowered by Empathy and Become the Most Important Person in the Room. (Here’s my second wince: Managing empathy and its connection to hurrying| Harvesting Stones
I've developed a practice of jotting down a list of events, conversations and observations at the end of every day, not only as a repository of creative prompts but also to identify patterns in my experience. During the last few weeks, perfectionism has appeared repeatedly in my daily lists, my own pursuit of it as Perfectionism; what it is and how to root it out| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring the benefits of boredom| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentThe power of resistance and persistence. Recognizing different aspects of resistance.| Harvesting Stones
We humans make and seek patterns in everything we do. Sometimes we’re conscious of these patterns, and often we’re not. Discerning patterns is an evolutionary advantage that’s helped us survive, as the complex web of life is filled with them. A rudimentary example is patterns of color on reptiles, plants, fish and insects warning of Working with patterns of high-conflict behavior with the help of Bill Eddy; the usefulness (or not) of labels| Harvesting Stones
I’ve been listening to a Sounds True production of Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes talk about Seeing in the Dark. I’ve listened to it before, but not for some years, and not since I developed a daily practice of sitting and breathing. She suggests that a practice, whether it be meditation, prayer, or whatever else, is Becoming friendly with our most intense feelings; allowing ourselves the fullness of experience| Harvesting Stones
In the old tales, young women are sent on dangerous quests that involve learning to sort one thing from another. One such teacher is Baba Yaga, about whom I’ve written previously. Baba Yaga is a crone, and when she can be bothered, she teaches too-sweet maidens how to sort poppy seeds from dirt, how to The skill of telling one thing from another, and why it's important| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExamining the idea of convenience. Is it a worthy goal? At what point do we take it too far? Is it positive or negative?| Harvesting Stones
On the heels of last week’s post about unplugging, I had a conversation with friends about social media and what, exactly, it means to be social. What is a healthy balance of social and solitary? How do we determine if our social lives are appropriate? Predictably, I want to start this exploration with definitions, all Exploring social media and the way we use it; questions about our needs for connection and what authentic connection is| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentAsking hard questions about food and diet| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring the traumatic response of fawning, why we do it and how to develop better strategies to feel safe and loved.| Harvesting Stones
One of my first posts on this blog was about saying no . As I learned emotional intelligence and began applying it to my life, I started to understand how imprisoned I'd been by my inability to say no. In the interests of full disclosure, let me report saying no in the context of long-term Why it's so important to be free to say yes or no and the cost of retaining our power to do so| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring resilience in an offensive world| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentWhat is gaslighting and what does it look like?| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentThinking about labels and the experience and feeling behind them| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring the weakness of denialism| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentWhat does authenticity mean, and how do we practice it? How do we discern real and genuine from fantasy and false beliefs?| Harvesting Stones
I’ve noticed the terms “introvert” and “extrovert” popping up frequently in conversations lately. As a lifelong introvert, I also notice a lot of misunderstanding about what the term means. I start, as you knew I would, with definitions. However, it happens I disagree with the online Oxford Dictionary definition of introvert, which is “a shy, What is it like to be an introvert? Do introverts need to be fixed?| Harvesting Stones
I just made a note in my daily abbreviated journal: “Don’t think. Just do it!” Yesterday was a day off, and I spent it feeling futile because of what I experience as financial limitations in every direction. Interestingly, and hilariously, if I could only look at it from that angle, this day of futility was Exploring the nature of futility with the help of a wasp. Or wasps| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentTolerance is a mutual agreement to live peaceably with differences| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentDisempowering women around self-defense| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentPart one of understanding boundaries| Harvesting Stones
Making and communicating honest choices; why it matters| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentSeparating power from money| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring the power of forgiveness| Harvesting Stones
I recently came across an article in my newsfeed describing several ways in which parents can help kids develop mental strength.| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring the value and practice of letting go| Harvesting Stones
I’d love to be one of those serene, appropriately disciplined (as opposed to compulsive or utterly feckless) people who achieve an effective, useful, consistent morning routine. I’m not. Even during what I think of as “normal” times when my life was structured predictably by work and other obligations and activities, my morning schedule varied. Now, Stillness as An antidote to speeding and anxiety| Harvesting Stones
Challenging the limitations and distortions of personal stories| Harvesting Stones
I'm getting ready to turn over the manuscript of my first book to a developmental editor. Getting ready means I'm doing one final read through and combing out overused words and phrases using the search (and destroy) feature in my word processor. Over the months and years I've been working with my book and mastering All the ways our culture teaches women to make themselves small| Harvesting Stones
I sit down this week with a tangle of feelings around what I want to say. It’s hard to know how to begin. Sometimes I think with longing of the days I lived alone. There were things about being alone that were destroying me, which is why I left that life, but I did have The futility of arguing about who's right and who's wrong; connection vs. division| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentArguing with versus accepting what is| Harvesting Stones
Learning to stop people pleasing.| Harvesting Stones
I read a quote from Instagram last weekend from wetheurban: Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. Ever since I read it, I’ve been turning it over in my mind. To be happy is to feel or show pleasure or contentment, according to Oxford Online Dictionary. This simple little sentence from Exploring happiness with the help of Martin Seligman; how happy is happy?| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring the complexity of communication| Harvesting Stones
One of the most important distinctions I’ve ever learned is the difference between thoughts and feelings. Sadly, I didn’t learn it in public school or higher education. I didn’t learn it from my family. I didn’t learn it from my culture. I didn’t learn it, in fact, until I was 50 years old. What I Separating out thoughts from our feelings; recognizing they may not reflect present reality; taking responsibility for our feeling lives without blaming others| Harvesting Stones
One of my favorite things about life is that changing one subtle thread in the pattern of our behavior and identity can change the whole picture in unexpected but beautiful ways. The overculture promises such a transformation if we buy the right product, but that’s a hollow promise. If we really want change, we have Being over-responsible for others versus being under-responsible for ourselves; learning to switch our unhealthy patterns around responsibility| Harvesting Stones
The word “respect” is jumping up and down in my life this week, hand thrust in the air, saying “me, me, me!” This post started with more from R. D. Laing’s book, Knots: "A son should respect his father. He should not have to be taught to respect his father. It is something that is Considering respect: what it looks like, what it means. Is respect the same as agreement?| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentUnderstanding and recognizing the power of needs| Harvesting Stones
Choice: an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities (Online Oxford Dictionary). Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash This morning I've been reading about doing one thing at a time and having too many choices. I've considered the paradox of choice: how important it is to understand our Thinking about choices and choice overload| Harvesting Stones
This post has been simmering in the back of my mind for some while. I’ve taken my time approaching it because it seems to be something of a landmine for some people. In simplest terms, to be grateful is to be thankful. It’s easy to be thankful for the things we enjoy and that make The healing power of gratitude for the good, the bad, and the ugly| Harvesting Stones
Managing expectations and recognizing how limited they are| Harvesting Stones
In the last 24 hours I’ve had an Aha! moment representing one of the biggest breakthroughs of my life. I've always defined myself as a failure. This morning, before 7:00 a.m., I became a success. Just like that, in one blinding moment of epiphany. I lay there giggling to myself like an idiot. I’ve been When and why we fail on purpose in order to succeed, and the consequences of such a choice| Harvesting Stones
Is emotional intelligence training for you? Reasons not to do it.| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentExploring identity| Harvesting Stones
#post_contentDealing with the terrible burden of shame| Harvesting Stones
I’ve been thinking for some time about courage. Oxford Online Dictionary defines courage as “the ability to do something that frightens one.” As I explore definitions, articles, memes, and quotes about courage online, much of what I read seems superficial and uninspiring - nothing I want to write about. As always, I did find gold. Definition and characteristics of courage; a meditation on the complexity and difficulty of practicing courage| Harvesting Stones
When I underwent emotional intelligence training, my coach asked me the question, “Chocolate or vanilla?” over and over. Now, my partner and I use that phrase frequently as we live our life together. It always makes me smile. Life is ridiculously complicated. At other times, it’s ridiculously simple. Our experience lies in the heart of The power inherent in intentional choice; how often we abdicate that power and stay stuck and disempowered| Harvesting Stones
In July of 2016 I wrote my first post on this blog, a letter of resignation from people pleasing. Since then, that post has had more than 20,000 views. A comparatively modest number for the internet, but for me personally an astounding one. Now, in August of 2024, I’m writing another letter, this one a […] The post Endings and Beginnings first appeared on Harvesting Stones.| Harvesting Stones
I walk the short distance to work whenever I can. My route takes me to a grassy hill between the neighborhood and the hospital (I work in Rehab) emergency room parking lot. A small pond (sadly, lots of trash) is on one side of the path at the foot of the hill. The other side The benefits and pitfalls of rewilding yards and gardens| Harvesting Stones
I received some second-hand feedback regarding my last post that’s had me thinking further about this idea of taking one’s own breath away. We exist as individuals, and we also exist in relationship to others, and not only with our own species. In fact, as I reread the last statement, I realize it doesn’t quite […] The post Healthy Self, Healthy Community first appeared on Harvesting Stones.| Harvesting Stones
Unusually, I’ve struggled the last couple of weeks to find something I wanted to write about for this post. At times I feel so heavily weighted with grief, fear, and despair about our world (and I mean our to include all people, all species, all life on this lovely, feverish planet suspended in the cool Which gods do we follow? What do they demand? Are they taking us home?| Harvesting Stones
The more battered I feel by the news cycle and the daily externals of my world, the more important it is to spend time in solitude, focusing inward and practicing love and trust with myself. (It sounds delightful, doesn’t it? So wise and functionally adult! It doesn’t read like tears; trauma; dumping feelings onto the […] The post Take My Breath Away first appeared on Harvesting Stones.| Harvesting Stones
In a recent conversation, someone asserted to me that ultimately everyone does what they want. I felt an immediate fury. That does not describe my life at all. I chewed on my outrage and resentment for a few weeks, simmering, until I decided to get over it and figure out why I was so hijacked. Is it true that we all do what we want to do in an effort to achieve certain outcomes?| Harvesting Stones
My work team and I are always on the lookout for new ways to work with our pool patrons. We look for new moves and songs for water exercise classes and new ideas for working with swim lesson kids. A few weeks ago, a team member remembered an old book she’d seen titled The New The decline and significance of healthy social touch in our current rape culture| Harvesting Stones
I’ve always said I hate politics. In hindsight, what I was really expressing was discomfort with divisiveness and conflict, lies and deceits and power games. Talking about politics feels like pinning Jello to the wall. People throw labels and jargon around. Terms are not defined and agreed upon. True intent is obfuscated. Actions and words […] The post Group Decision Making, A.K.A. Politics first appeared on Harvesting Stones.| Harvesting Stones
… and she met a bear. She froze, watching it watching her, seeing the long claws, the muzzle raised to sniff the air, the marvelous deep pelt. She thought about everything she’d ever heard about dealing with bears. She stood still, attempting to convey the energy of no-harm. The bear let out a “whuff” of […] The post Once Upon a Time a Woman Walked Through the Woods … first appeared on Harvesting Stones.| Harvesting Stones
A few weeks ago I explored self-trust. Until I wrote that piece, I had not realized how deeply I distrusted myself. (As a writer, I find nothing clarifies my thinking better than written inquiry. The process uncovers so many unconscious and hidden things.) In that post I speculated about choosing to trust myself, as trust The power of self-trust compared to self-love| Harvesting Stones