High-conflict, emotionally reactive couples are on the rise. In today’s charged world, many of us are seeing more couples who escalate quickly, struggle with emotional dysregulation, and arrive in therapy not to grow but to push for their partner’s change. These dynamics can easily pull clinicians off balance – especially early in treatment when patterns […]| Couples Institute
A simple visual to help couples understand and break up the pattern of conflict without shame or shutdown. What if your couples could actually see the roles they play in conflict? Not in theory. Not in ways that raise defenses. But in a way that works for the nervous system and opens the door to […]| Couples Institute
All couples engage in some conflict when they’re in therapy. But some can’t seem to manage themselves for even a few minutes without exploding into rage, resentment, blame – or dissolving in tears. Why Volatile Couples Present Unique Challenges in Therapy If you’re treating a volatile couple, their repetitive, heated responses to your questions lead […]| Couples Institute
They say the right tool makes all the difference. But what if the tool you’re using wasn’t designed for the job? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) are good frameworks. They're structured. They make easy sense. They help organize thinking, track patterns, and offer concrete strategies. But if you’ve ever tried to […]| Couples Institute
It’s frustrating when a couple seeks your help — and then resists every effort you make. I’ve been there, and you have too – possibly too many times to count. And in a lot of these situations, we’re seeing a couple whose relationship is filled with passive aggressive behavior. Today we’ll explore specific ways to […]| Couples Institute
When couples come in after an affair is revealed, the presenting issue is often labeled simply: infidelity. But what sits underneath that word is much more complex – and much more painful. It’s not just about sex. It’s not only about deception. It’s about a unilateral decision to blow up what was previously a mutual […]| Couples Institute
Once again, I am on a plane with some time to write. I’m glad to complete part two of the Networker Conference highlights for you. I’ll start with the workshop I presented on Infidelity, then summarize a keynote panel on Therapy in a Polarized World, and also two clinical workshops demonstrating therapy unfold in real […]| Couples Institute
I recently sat in my office listening to a couple named Bill and Sally describe twenty years of conflict avoidance and intimacy avoidance. Their communication was packed with vague unspecified references and overflowing with examples of passivity. I thought, “Some couples work so very hard to avoid any intensity. Will Bill and Sally allow me […]| Couples Institute
When working with couples within The Developmental Model, it’s crucial to help partners set self-focused, individual goals to support the process of differentiation. This presents more of a challenge with some couples than with others. I’m thinking in particular about conflict-avoidant couples. These are couples who likely have developed well-established patterns of shying away from […]| Couples Institute
In my last post, I shared 4 key insights that can help you lay the groundwork for counseling couples who shy away from conflict. In looking at the challenges posed by this pattern, it’s clear that conflict avoidance reveals itself in many ways. Your first clue may be the long, tense silences that follow when […]| Couples Institute
You’ve seen the pattern before. A couple comes to you, seeking help with tension that they just can’t understand or resolve. As you’re working to build openness and trust with them, you begin to notice that one or both partners react strongly when there’s the slightest hint of difference or disagreement. What happens next may […]| Couples Institute
Discover expert couples therapy training, interventions, and tools from Dr. Ellyn Bader at Couples Institute®. Trusted by therapists in 74+ countries.| Couples Institute
Asking your mate to empty the dishwasher should theoretically be totally devoid of drama or tension. It's just one of many chores necessary to keep your home functioning--right?However, with a passive aggressive personality, any situation has the potential to go from the trivial to emotional combat.It started with the simple…| Couples Institute