When my daughter became a teenager, she did something that baffled me. It happened when she was tired or had just woken up. She’d stand in front of me, drop her head, and not say a word. When I asked a question, she’d mumble or shrug. I could tell she wanted something, but I didn’t know what. Then one day it hit me. I noticed her body leaning toward me, ever so slightly, and waiting for me to respond. Read More| Kari Kampakis
“I’m not so sure being in the same place is the same as being friends.” E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web An 11th grade girl missed 2 weeks of school due to an emotional breakdown. From her large friend group, only 1 girl checked on her, which fueled her fear that her friendships weren't real. A 10th grade girl got booted from her friend group. They treated her terribly, yet she was scared to leave because the groups at her school were…| Kari Kampakis
My friend’s teenage daughter and her friends have a weekend routine. While Saturday night is friend night, Friday night is self-care night. When possible, they stay home to rest and decompress after a stressful week. These girls are high school juniors, and given the demands of junior year, I like this habit they’ve adopted. I think it’s a good example of how the next generation values self-care. The mothers raising them, Read More| Kari Kampakis
My best lessons in friendship came during my loneliest season of friendship. I’d just gotten married and moved to a place where I only had a handful of connections. As a newlywed in a new city, I started at square one. I got invited to parties, yet I didn’t have deep connections. Every girl I knew already had a best friend, and since many of them grew up together, I felt like an outsider as they shared childhood stories. Read More| Kari Kampakis
“Other than showing your child love and affection, managing your own stress is the best thing you can do to be an effective parent.” Sissy Goff My friend’s 16-year-old daughter called her from school, panicked and stressed. “Mom, you’ve got to check me out! Everybody is saying how hard this history test is. I know I’ll fail it. Please come get me so I don’t have to take it today!” Read More| Kari Kampakis
“Girls, more than ever, are in need of emotional support from their parents because they are not getting it where they are spending most of their time: online.” Lisbeth Splawn One challenge of raising teenagers is teaching emotional regulation. As Dr. Lisa Damour says, teenagers often have the right feeling on the wrong scale. They need help bringing their feelings down to size. As parents, we do this by naming their feelings, Read More| Kari Kampakis
I thought my friend was the luckiest girl in the world. I didn’t say it, but I was jealous that her boyfriend of 3 weeks did more for her birthday than my boyfriend of 2 years. We were sorority sisters, and our shared birthday fell during Rush. This year, her new boyfriend went big, sending dozens of roses and a huge birthday banner to our sorority house that covered the staircase. It was a grand and splashy gesture that made hundreds of girls simultaneously swoon. Read More| Kari Kampakis
What if taking care of yourself was the first step to helping your family thrive? If you’ve parented long enough, then you’ve learned firsthand why your personal wellness matters. You’ve felt the pain (or consequences) of devaluing yourself. Whether your wake-up call came from a diagnosis, a breakdown, an issue with your child or spouse, heightened anxiety, or simply feeling depleted, joyless, or numb, it most likely unveiled this truth: Mothers are humans too. Read More| Kari Kampakis
“Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?” Mary Oliver When I was younger, I didn’t believe in rest. Especially as a new mom, my reserve didn’t feel empty because my heart felt so full. When I was tired, a nap made everything better. I was good to go again. But with age I have changed my tune. I have seen firsthand how not making time for rest leads to burnout, Read More| Kari Kampakis
“You can get all As and still flunk at life.” From Walker Percy’s Second Coming I heard it yet again, another mom who is frustrated because her hardworking teen is struggling in a class. “I’m tired of my kid coming home and telling me she’s stupid,” she says. “She makes great grades, but she’s failing science because it’s really hard for her.” As moms, we see unvarnished truths. Read More| Kari Kampakis
As adults, we largely get to choose our environments. We can spend our time with people we like, people who help us thrive. Our children, on the other hand, don’t have that luxury. Instead, they’re thrown into a pressure cooker, locked into closeness with a wide range of personalities that can bring out the best or worst of humanity. It’s a rite of passage, and very few of us finish our school years without some painful experiences and scars. Read More| Kari Kampakis
She called my house in the middle of the night – and kept calling until someone listened. She knew I’d want to know, and she was spot-on about that. I was in 10th grade, and earlier that night, I’d gone out with friends. After they dropped me off, there was tragic car accident. One of my best friends, Rod, did not survive, yet I had no idea. The girl calling was once my best friend. Read More| Kari Kampakis
Great attention is paid these days to the subject of “mean girls”. For moms raising daughters, it’s a hot topic, something that adults can, understandably, get fired up about. People talk as if girls have the monopoly on being mean, but I hear stories about boys that are worse than mean girl saga. What we have is not a gender issue, but a societal issue. In short, we live in a mean age. We have a culture shaping our children that is darker, Read More| Kari Kampakis
A sorority sister of mine came in town for a funeral. A high school friend had lost her dad, and she told me this was her 9th funeral to attend in 6 months. All her friends were losing parents, and we talked about how this is, sadly, our current stage in life. I have another friend whose mom has dementia. While she is thankful her mom is alive, she misses the strong Southern woman who raised her. Read More| Kari Kampakis
One thing I have learned about parenting is that kids grow up in stages. Just when you think you have one stage figured out, circumstances change, and suddenly your child is thrown into a NEW stage that puts you back at square one. In preschool and kindergarten, boys and girls become friends. They invite each other over to play and don’t really see their differences. But around first grade, the two genders part ways. Invisible lines get drawn, Read More| Kari Kampakis
I have a friend who has a hard time trusting women due to a mindset her mom instilled in her. As a child, whenever a girl hurt her feelings, her mom would say, “She’s just jealous of you.” It was an easy answer, yet over time it made her skeptical of her own gender. Today, she struggles to unwire herself of this mindset and let down her guard. While it may have been true that some girls were jealous, Read More| Kari Kampakis
It is heart-wrenching to see your child upset. Typically, it is conflict with a peer that gets them down. Kids can put on a tough act at school and in their extra-curricular activities, but when they get home (or in your car for pick-up) the walls come tumbling down. They save their heartache and hurt for you, sometimes in the form of a meltdown. As a parent, it’s hard to choose a response. Read More| Kari Kampakis
Imagine walking into your teenager’s bedroom, stepping over their clothes and looking for clues of who they are and what interests them right now. On their nightstand you see books. Two books you recognize because you bought them for their English class. The third book is new, one chosen by your child, and with growing curiosity you pick it up. Your heart stops and you feel a sudden pang as the title jumps out at you. Dealing with a Difficult Mom. Read More| Kari Kampakis
Let me begin by saying, I’m sorry you are hurting. I wish there was a shortcut to the pain you feel right now that makes it hard to concentrate or think about anything but your ex. There are many causes of a broken heart, but the focus of this message is the heartache after a breakup. Why? Because moms often tell me how unexpectedly hard a breakup was for their daughter (and oftentimes, their son). And, Read More| Kari Kampakis
Trust me, I get it. I get what it’s like to have a bad day as a mother – to be frustrated with my child, someone else’s child, someone impacting my child, or an issue affecting our family. I’ve felt annoyance that needs a way out. I understand the urge to vent, scream, complain, blurt out the first thoughts that come to mind or give someone a piece of my mind. I know the relief of getting a burden off my chest, Read More| Kari Kampakis
My daughter, at the ripe old age of 11, stared at her reflection in the mirror as I helped her prepare for an event. But what she saw in the mirror isn’t what I saw in the mirror, much to my dismay. Out of the blue, she started critiquing herself. Naming and nitpicking every flaw she didn’t like. It broke my heart to hear this, but when I interrupted, telling her how beautiful she is, Read More| Kari Kampakis
Like most parents, I have wisdom to share with my kids. Wisdom that can really help them, based on my experiences and mistakes. With my teenagers, however, I have realized that attention spans are limited. Particularly with “life lessons,” too much at once makes them tune out. Gone are the days where they will listen at length. At this stage I’m lucky to get 30 seconds of a life lesson in. Apparently this is common. Read More| Kari Kampakis
Years ago, as my firstborn turned 16, I had some breakdowns over the changes that life can bring. It started on a summer trip to Asheville right before her birthday. I was taking her to Camp Hollymont, so we went early to enjoy the area and get one-on-one time. We had the best weekend, complete with horseback riding, long walks, exploring The Biltmore, and seeing the Chihuly exhibit. On Saturday night, at a Spanish tapas restaurant downtown, Read More| Kari Kampakis
When I was in middle school, my boyfriend broke up with me. I handled it maturely – by hanging up on him and calling my friend in a rage. You see, I’d wanted to break up with him, but with our school dance a week away, I was waiting so I’d have a date. My only defense was stupidity. I had no clue how to relate to the opposite sex. Over the next 10 years, I learned by trial and error, Read More| Kari Kampakis
A group of teenage girls on a Christian retreat were taken to a mountaintop and told to listen to their fathers. One at a time, they were blindfolded and told what steps to take. Since cliffs were nearby, they had to walk slowly and deliberately. Each blindfolded girl was told to listen to her dad. Her dad was instructed to speak softer and softer until his voice became a whisper. Meanwhile, the girls watching were told to gradually get louder and louder to drown out the father’s voice. Rea...| Kari Kampakis
When my daughter became a teenager, she did something that baffled me. It happened when she was tired or had just woken up. She’d stand in front of me, drop her head, and not say a word. When I asked a question, she’d mumble or shrug. I could tell she wanted something, but I didn’t know what. Then one day it hit me. I noticed her body leaning toward me, ever so slightly, and waiting for me to respond. I…| Kari Kampakis